I’ll get to the point of this entry directly. I’m not sure things with Hannah and me are working out. I have the distinct feeling that I disappoint her.
Most recently was last night. We were in her apartment having dinner, then we were sitting on her sofa. It was nice and relaxed. I had stopped in my apartment earlier and changed while she got dinner started, so she was still dressed for work.
She asked if she could put on her pajamas and I said yes. She put on a really lovely nightgown thing with matching pants. Very much not dowdy! Sort of enticing, honestly.
I don’t think she was inviting anything more physically, but maybe I’m wrong. Since the beginning, we’ve been intentionally reserved in our physical relationship, and I don’t think she meant to speed things up; she said as much.
Well, we watched WeatherChannel and cuddled for a while. Since we have an early day today, I told her goodnight and came back here.
She called almost immediately. Once again she asked if we were okay together. Once more I tried to tell her we are.
Now here’s the key point.
If she has to keep asking, then I think it’s obvious that she thinks something’s wrong.
Rather this—I think she thinks something is not right. Let’s assume nothing is wrong, and I don’t think it is.
But for her, something’s not right.
Which leads me to think… Is our relationship “the one”? Hannah has cited to me data from Google about how many adult relationships people go through before finding “the one.” That’s been a big factor in us holding off on advancing things physically.
So, if between Hannah and me, there is something missing and we know it, then every day we stay together is a day we are not finding someone different who might be the one.
I’m not going to be rash about this; I’ll take a day or two to think about it, then I believe I need to have a good talk with her.
One of us is causing her to have doubts.
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